Monster Mondays - Monster Me!

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This one's going to be short today, because this post is in way of a mea culpa, since the monster today is me! Yep, that's right, and I'm blaming it on a very long Sunday at work. It wasn't a bad day, or anything, in fact it was rather rewarding, but I have to say that I am falling asleep on my feet this morning. And tiredness turns me into a monster of absolute unreasonableness!

Everything is too much trouble, I mean, this morning I caught myself being upset about having to go upstairs and collect laundry for washing - how unreasonable to expect myself to have to go and get the clothes that I wanted to wash, I was grumbling all the way up and all the way down the stairs. And everything takes too long - I had to wait for the kettle to boil - actually wait - me - Super Grouchy Morning Diva!

I also got very annoyed with inanimate objects. This morning I swore at and threw my coat across the room because it had the audacity to slide off the banister where I had rather haphazardly put it. Heaven forbid that my coat should obey the laws of gravity!

So now I have to go to work, and so I think I shall need to sit with a cup of tea for a little while and reign in my tetchiness, my impatience, and my monster of irrational unreasonableness...

Do any situations turn you into an irrational grouch?

~

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Monster Monday: Doctor Who Monsters

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This post is all my sister, Tasha's fault, because her Monster Monday post (click on the image above to hop over to her blog) is Doctor Who Monsters and she asked at the end if we had any favourites, and, being a classic Whovian, I had too many to put into a comment reply, so I decided to join her and add my own thoughts on Doctor Who monsters.

I have to say I'm more of a classic Who fan than I am of the reboot, but I do watch the reboot and I'm going to start with one of their monsters that has really stuck: the weeping angels. I have to say I think Blink is my favourite new Who episode ever. It has the power of storytelling and sheer terror that stayed with me even after the episode had ended, and the simple reason is the premise, that any statue could be like the weeping angels of the story, moving unseen, frozen when eyes are upon it, ready to attack with just a tiny flicker of your eyelids. This was proper scariness put to thoroughly good use. P.S. I will add here that the later uses of the weeping angels are no where near as good, in those they just become ordinary Doctor Who monsters, which just don't have the same impact for me.

Now I'm jumping back in time to classic Doctor Who to The Ark In Space and the Wirrn, the giant insects that try to take over the Ark space station and absorb the crew to do so. Now, just looking at them, the Wirrn are a giant paper mache thing with dangly bits for legs, but it wasn't the look of the creature that I found disturbing both as a child and now, it was what it could do. The fact that by a touch it could begin converting and absorbing another living creature, transforming it into a Wirrn while absorbing its knowledge as well just makes my skin crawl!

There are also some human monsters in Doctor Who that I love to hate. You'd think it would be the robots that I was scared of in Robots of Death, but it's not. Okay, yes, they are quite unnerving, especially with their lilting voices, but they are just things, and when one turns out to be a good guy, I found myself liking them, so no, they weren't always scary, No, it was the human who thought he was a robot, Taren Capel, who is the real monster. It is his intent the robots are carrying out. (And I'm not putting a picture of him in here, because that would give away too much of the plot).

It really is amazing what classic Doctor Who achieved with bubble wrap, sticky-backed plastic and some face paint. I know the effects are low budget, the acting sometimes criminal, but I thoroughly recommend folks take the time to follow the stories, because it is them that really make Doctor Who special.

What's your favourite Doctor Who story?

~

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Monster Monday: The Evil Dead

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I first saw Sam Raimi's Evil Dead when I was a teenager and it scared the pants off me! :)

Since then I have learnt to respect the rough-around-the-edges movie with its mixture of over-the-top horror and surprisingly subtle chills. And the reason - the demons.

For those who don't know, Evil Dead is a story about a group of college kids on a weekend vacation who discover a book, Naturom Demonto/Necronomicon Ex-Mortis, or as we'd say, the Book of the Dead. Reading from it brings to life ancient Sumerian demons and gives them leave to possess the living.With the book is found a tape recording of the archaeologist who unearthed it, who helpfully reading out the cursed passages.

What follows, as I've said, on one level is a pretty OTT horror, but the bits that get me every time are when Cheryl and Linda are possessed. Cheryl is the first to succumb to the demons and thus her transformation is the most shocking. The makeup is not brilliant, but she carries with her a menace that not all the others manage.

However, it is Linda's transformation that always gets me - she goes from a bit of a whiney young woman into a girly, giggling demon with psychotic tendencies. At one point, she just sits cross-legged on the floor watching the mayhem, giggling and twirling her hair. I can hear that screeching titter now and it still gives me the creeps. ::shudder::

There is no redeeming someone once these demons have got hold (not in the first movie, anyway). All they want to do is kill and cause havoc. They are truly the Evil Dead!

Do you find horror movies involving possession scary?

~

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Monster Monday: Voltan (Jack Palance at his growly best)

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So, I watched Hawk The Slayer at the weekend. It's the original sword and sorcery movie. Watching it led to a long and laugh-filled conversation with my sister, Tasha, and a discussion of the reasons to watch Hawk. Tash will be talking about that on Friday for her Fan Friday post. One of the reasons to watch IMO (and for a snort behind your hand), is the over-acting of Jack Palance as Hawk's evil brother, Voltan.

There's nothing subtle about Voltan. The first thing you see him do is kill his own father, because he won't share the secret of their family's power. He's full of rage, he definitely has a screw loose, and he's all fist-clenching and snarling. And then there's the face that not even a mother could love, and that's before the disfigurement ;P.

Voltan is truly a baddie you can love to hate. He has no redeeming features (and that includes how he's acted). He kills on a whim - he must go through henchmen at an alarming rate.  He makes stunningly awful decisions, and likes to share his plans with all and sundry whem he has them at his mercy. He's a classic! :D

Do you have any favourite OTT villains?

~

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Monster Mondays: The Mummy

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Today, I'm talking about The Mummy, that plodding evil creature that, in a lot of cases, wants to strangle anyone his master sets him on. I've seen mummies used in many a horror movie. 3 times in films entitled 'The Mummy', and I've also seen them used brilliantly in science fiction as well.

First, though, I'll focus on The Mummy movies. I've seen The Mummy played both by Boris Karloff and Christopher Lee, and I have to admit to not being that impressed with those movies. The lumbering form of The Mummy himself just didn't scare me, or even give me tingles. No, I was not interested in Mummy movies until I saw 'The Mummy' starring Arnold Vosloo as Imhotep, High Priest to Pharaoh Seti I, and lover of Anck Su Namun, for whom he murders and then suffers being mummified alive for all time. When he is released, Imhotep is no lumbering mummy, he's full of power and vengeance and a burning love for his princess. He's also rather dishy once the whole being a mummy thing is sorted - although that is by absorbing the life forces of those who found his canopic jars, so, y'know, he's not boyfriend material. ;P

Imhotep before the cute phase :)

I loved this movie, all the characters are engaging and Arnold makes a convincing monster who has suffered eternity for love.

Imhotep isn't the only mummy I love to hate; Sutekh from Doctor Who - The Pyramids of Mars is a nasty piece of work. An alien from a race so powerful he is godlike and wants to bring about the end of the universe. He, like Imhotep, has been imprisoned for thousands of years, and he's itching to get free from the trap his fellow Osirans laid for him and lay waste to everything. Like Imhotep, too, he has mummy minions (robots wrapped in bandages - this is sci-fi after all) and they are wandering round a Victorian manor, true to any great Hammer Horror. Sutekh's a formidable foe, and this is one of my favourite Doctor Who adventures, mainly because of my love of Gothic horror.

And, before I finish, I have to admit that real mummies give me the heebie geebies far more than the fake ones. There's something I find very unnerving about a desiccated corpse. I find Egyptology fascinating, tomb decorations, hieroglyphs, statues, but not mummies, keep me away from the mummies!

So, mummies, are you a fan, or are they a monster that doesn't do it for you?

~

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Monster Mondays - Dolores Umbridge

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I ummed and ahhed about whether to write about Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter today or not, because just thinking about her makes me start grinding my teeth. She is, in effect, the perfect monster. She represents all that is bad and petty about human beings and I would gleefully swing for her!

For those who don't know her, Dolores Umbridge is introduced at Hogwarts as the Defence Against the Dark Arts professor, always a position to be wary of in any Harry Potter book. She out does them all - even Snape - for her vicious, vindictive, petty-minded and down right evil actions.

Umbridge is cruel and abusive of the students at Hogwarts, especially after she becomes headmistress. She uses her position to belittle, to demean, to hurt and to lord herself over those who have no power to fight her. She is the worst of humanity, a tinpot dictator who revels in controlling her own little world. Her world view is the only one that matters, and those who disagree with her suffer the consequences, which, unsurprisingly, includes Harry.

Voldemort is a nightmare. Lucius Malfoy is a pure-blood bastard. Belatrix is a few spells short of a spell book. Yet, in my opinion, Umbridge, with her fake sweetness hiding her ruthless need to control, and her indiscriminate use of insidious force on those weaker than her, is the worst of the lot. And the reason, because we've all met Dolores Umbridges in our own lives. They are people who can happily ignore the greater good to protect their own little empires. They obfuscate. They derail. They take everything as a personal attack. They may not have quills that scar the user who is made to write lines with them, but they can be just as nasty.

I'm going to stop now, or my blood pressure is going to blow. Can you tell I really, really dislike Umbridge?

Is there a character that, although they aren't the ultimate threat in a story, make you want to yell and throw things?

~

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Monster Mondays: Clowns

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'Clowns,' I hear some of you scoff, 'but they are just sweet, silly entertainers for children!'

However, the rest of us know that something sinister lies behind that bright makeup. I've been scared of clowns since I was old enough to realise that the big red grin painted round the mouth didn't always match the expression underneath. I've also been a little bit fascinated though. I remember a Blue Peter episode where they talked about registered clowns' makeup being recorded on egg shells. The practice is still going on, although the eggs are now china to make them harder to break. Thousands of little fake faces looking out at you, I think there's a horror story in there somewhere.

Since clowns have featured in many genres as bad guys, and frequently appear in horror, I am confident I am not alone in my suspicion of clowns.

Pennywise from Stephen King's IT is one of the scariest clowns I have both read and watched, and Tim Curry is magnificent in the 1990 mini series. Pennywise is truly ghastly as the visible face of something that, underneath, promises to be even worse. Even when he's the white-faced, grinning clown, who can beguile children, he's only a look, a smile, a grimace away from the monster below the surface.

Other famous horror clowns are the clown puppet from Puppetmaster, and, of course, the clown doll from Poltergeist. A group of my friends and I won a costume competition once and we won a clown doll as the prize. All the way home, we were arguing who got to keep the doll, and it wasn't that we all wanted it, none of us wanted to keep it!

Horror isn't the only genre to make use of clowns as villains, though. Doctor Who's adventure, The Greatest Show In The Galaxy, features a circus and the place is run by The Chief Clown and his troop of robot clown enforcers. Ugh! *shudders*

And probably the most famous clown of them all is The Joker. He's had many looks in comics, on TV and on film, but he always remains the maddest and baddest of Batman's villainous foes. My favourite incarnation of him has to be Jack Nicholson. He's mean, he's mad, he's bad, and he's unpredictable. That's what makes The Joker such a monstrous villain.

So, clowns aren't to be trusted, clowns hide sinister things behind their makeup, clowns are scary, scary, scary!

Do clowns scare you?

~

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Monster Mondays - The Spy In The Ointment

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Now, when you think of spies, I bet the first one who comes to mind is James Bond. I'm not talking about the action hero spy, the Harry Harts, or Jason Bournes of our fictional worlds, though. I'm talking about the mole, the man, or woman who, under the guise of innocuous civil servant, or loyal secretary then proceeds to betray everyone they come into contact with.

There is something uniquely distasteful about this type of monster. They live in the protection of their fellows, stand beside them, outwardly show support, but, when the time is right, they can turn on a dime. It is the bonds of friendship and professional respect that can be so blatantly broken that give us the creeps and make these characters the ones we love to loathe.

George Smiley's world in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy is one of constant intrigue, full of bluffs and misdirection, and even the 'good guys' made my skin crawl when I watched this movie. Truth gets lost in the quest for 'the cause', in this case the constant worry in the 70's that we were heading towards a 3rd world war with those behind the iron curtain. What rankles with Le Carre's plot is that, when the mole is finally identified, there's not even any real conviction behind his betrayal. Even as he tries to justify himself, he sounds jaded and self-interested, there is no great cause he is fighting for, just disillusionment.

No, I'm not going to tell you who the spy is :)

These kinds of moles, wheedling their way into people's confidences and then turning on them appear in all genres, not just the spy thriller. The ultimate being, of course, Captain America: The Winter Soldier (and I will say no more, just in case someone doesn't know).

These bad eggs hidden among the heroes are the lowest of the low, betrayers and backstabbers all. But then again, if they're working for our side, or in the case of the movies, 'the good guys', it all gets a lot more complicated. Every mole thinks his or her cause is just and their actions are for the greater good. But do we even trust the ones who are on our side? They have spent so long dissembling, they no longer know what is true and what is false. Snape from Harry Potter could be considered one of those. He is a cruel, vindictive man, bitterly disappointed in his life, damaged by his own choices. He has his own agenda as well as those of his task master, and he hates Harry. Even when we know which side he's on, he's never someone to be trusted, because his own rage drives him.

Spies, double agents, sleepers, moles - I call them monsters for their duplicity, they all come from a place of intrigue when we never know what is going to happen next! :)

So, do you have a favourite double agent?

~

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Monster Mondays - The Monster in the Closet

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I don't know about you, but when I was a child I always had to have the door of any wardrobe, or closet closed tight, or that slit of shadow would take control of my attention, drawing me back to it over and over again. Even with a nightlight, the thought of what was behind that door, hidden in the darkness, waiting to silently ease open its cage caught my imagination every time. And, even when it isn't dark, when there is just a closed door that I have to open, I still catch myself wondering what grim thing could be hiding in the small space behind.

Closet doors, attic hatches, crawl spaces, all of them give me the creeps, and not just because of the spiders. To be honest, I don't even like walking into a darkened room, I always reach round and fumble for the light switch before I'll look into the void. Maybe I've watched far too many horror movies! ;P A good one about the hidden monster in the closet is Boogeyman (2005), where a young man returns to his childhood home to deal with a trauma linked to a monster in the closet that has affected his whole life.

Still, it's that fear of the unknown, what the shadows can be hiding that is the key to the closet monster. From the childish fear of gruesome monsters to the adult one of a burglar, or worse, there is something innate about our fear of unknown spaces, even when our logical brain tells us that is where we hung up our clothes only minutes ago.

I know from American movies that a lot of larger US closets have lights in them. In the houses I've lived in in the UK, we had no such luxury. Those little spaces were dark and full of menace when the room light was shadowed out by my own body. I'd like to blame the fact that I tend to leave clothes lying on the backs of chairs at night on that small terror, but that could just be because I'm lazy!

And, in the middle of the night, what's worse than the closet monster? I'll tell you - the bathroom beast! When I was a child, in the rectory I lived in, the loo was at the diametrically opposite end of the top floor to the bedroom I shared with my twin, Tasha. On a chilly winter night, when there was a wind rustling the trees outside, that could be an awfully long walk, and opening the door at the other end - well - that's where I learned to turn on lights before going into the room.

It's a primeval fear of the dark, of enclosed spaces, of things we don't understand. All of them come together in our fear of the closet monster!

Were/are you scared of the closet monster?

~

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Sophie Duncan

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