3 Reviews of Short Stories by Author Gabriel Fitzpatrick

I volunteered to be a reviewer of books through Literary+, who match up reviewers with authors and yesterday, I was sent my first set of stories to review. All three are short stories by Gabriel Fitzpatrick, two with a vampire theme and one with, well, a fantasy theme, I suppose, although it's not easy to classify. Below are all three of my reviews in order of preference.

The Centurion's Commencement by Gabriel Fitzpatrick
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I really enjoyed this book. It’s a short story set after the defeat of Rome by the German hordes. We follow a ragged group of ten legionnaires, led by Sextus, the centurion in the title, struggling to return to their army, and their hunter, Adela, cast out by her own people after the battle where she revealed herself to be other than human.

Sextus is not altogether interesting, he’s a professional soldier, commanding, disciplined, but a little ragged round the edges. However, that’s not the point of Sextus, he is there to be the rigid, vaguely pointless disciplinarian, the face of Rome, holding on to flawed might after defeat. Adela is a much more interesting character, and not because she is a vampire, but because she has been through her own epiphany, an effect of the light, literally. She is grappling with ascendance, an out of body experience that took her beyond the blood-lust, but still she hunts, still she is hungry and that duality warmed me to her, monster and all.

Inevitably, hunter and hunted come together and trained discipline meets savagery. I won’t spoil the ending and say what happens, but, in those last few paragraphs, live, or die, Sextus comes alive for me. Gabriel leaves the reader with a sense that the story could go on, that things have shifted irrevocably for the survivor, and I want to know more.


 Enki by Gabriel Fitzpatrick
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

There’s one thing missing from the genre tags for this story, humour, very, very dark humour; I actually laughed out loud at one point. Basically this is a monologue with reported interjections. Our speaker is a Librarian, yes I said, Librarian and he’s talking to his latest victim, again, you heard right, this is no ordinary librarian. The reason I mention the humour is it is what engaged me in the story and kept me reading. Our librarian is arrogant, cruel, likes the sound of his own voice (I’m saying him, but I’d actually have to go back and check if his gender is ever determined, but I assumed him) and is one hundred percent a monster and without the humour, I probably wouldn’t have finished reading.

The initial paragraphs are well written and drew me into the story, quickly establishing the perversity of the situation, in which there lay the black humour. I soon had the scene in my head, a grand library, lots of books and one bitch-slapper of a librarian who didn’t want to loan out any of those tomes and rather enjoyed hurting those who tried to take one. Alone for most of the millennia he has guarded the books, the librarian takes the opportunity of a hapless visitor to have a chat, recollecting old victories like a Vogon enjoys disseminating his poetry, although the torture that goes along with the conversation is all too real. To be honest, though, the best bit of the whole monologue for me was the Librarian’s asides to his victim that interjected his old battle stories. They were the gems in this piece.

I wanted to finish this short story not , I have to say, to find out what happened in all the Librarian’s stories, because they all mostly had obvious conclusions, but to find out what happened to his victim. The book grants me that wish and I’m not going to say what happens, but I will say, I wanted more of it. The ending was far too quick. Also, on the experimental note in which Gabriel wrote this, I would challenge him to actually write the ending as part of the monologue, i.e. from the librarian’s point of view, so that we only hear what the victim has to say, like we do through the rest of the piece, in the librarian’s own words. I think that would be more satisfying.

The too short an ending, the occasional typo and one or two sentences that made me go ‘huh’ are the reason I have given this book 4 not 5 stars. It’s an interesting read, well formed and engaging. I’d read it again, especially if that ending was reworked.


 An Anecdote at Dinner by Gabriel Fitzpatrick
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This book got its stars for the skill with which the prose is written, but I did not like it at all. The style is everything I dislike about the portrayal of vampires, which does not mean it’s invalid, just that I don’t like it. The story is told from the point of view of our vampire perpetrator, who is recounting his recent attack on a young family to dinner guests. Just like him, the story is cold, arrogant and disdainful, and therefore did not engage me at all. I could find nothing to draw me into the narrative, because the vampire is so aloof from his actions that even with the pretty graphic description of what he does, I felt nothing. He’s showing off for the benefit of his dinner host, and since we do not know what history there is between them, we had no concept of why she reacts to him, or even exactly how she reacts – a little more insight into this relationship might have given the book more depth for me and anchored me into the story, but I’ll admit, I probably still wouldn’t have like it.

This not being my kind of vampire story, if it had been longer, I probably would have put it down and not picked it back up, but its shortness meant I finished it. I wasn’t quite sure what happened at the end. I think I understood what happened, but because descriptions were used instead of names, I’m not absolutely certain. It was throw away, again, though, I think conveying the lack of regard these vampires had for anyone else, but I found it abrupt and I think it wasted the character of the familiar, which was probably the point. However, it left me, the reader, without a payoff, nothing to walk away with except an air of superiority that just left a bad taste in my mouth.

I like the other two books I’ve read of Gabriel’s much more, but, I think, in an attempt, as his notes put it, to be literary and disturbing, this story added too much that made me disconnect from it. I don’t mind aloof, violent vampires, in fact, I quite like them when there is contrast to go with them, but this story offered me no relief, except, for the tiny moment when we enter David’s head towards the end, that gave me a little something, far too brief, to hold on to. I don’t mind blood and gore either and this was artfully written, but the victims were so belittled that I had no sympathy for them, nor interest in their murderer.

I’ll finish by saying that some people will probably love this book. It’s well written, except for a few typos and the odd sentence that needed to be split up into more. It is the antithesis of the moody, angsty Twilight-like YA, which is no bad thing, but I think it needs work before I’d want to read any more in this mythos. Give me contrast, give me a glimmer of light in the vampire darkness, give me conflict, something to invest in and I might read more.


View all my reviews

5 Mins in a whole lot more - Bonds of Fire Novel Scene Preview

Yesterday through Literary+, Shen Hart challenged us to write for 5 mins on any subject we wanted and to post it. I was in the middle of a scene for my current WIP, the full novel version of Bonds of Fire, so I wrote a section of the scene for the challenge. Since then, I've finished the scene, so I thought I'd post it all, marking out my 5 min challenge in bold (I have corrected spelling etc outside of the 5 mins, which was allowed :P). The scene is introducing a new character to the reader...

Walking down the backstreet, Drekken rubbed his thigh self-consciously. He wouldn't have noticed the slight ache that Astren's exercises had given it if she hadn't mentioned the weakness specifically and he tried to ignore it again, instead sinking into the bustling life around him. He liked the alleyways of the old city with their corner vendors of food and anything else a stranger could want. They reminded him of the past, when life had been wilder, times he remembered with a smile and what he knew were rose-tinted spectacles. Still, he was grinning to himself as he strolled on his way, exchanging conversation with every person who tried to sell him something.

It had been at least ten years since he'd spent more than a few days in the city and, although people knew his name, they no longer knew his face, so Drekken enjoyed the freedom, concealed behind civilian clothes and a young face, just another rich man to be conned out of his gold.

Drekken had let himself be parted from a few coins for the sake of lively debate on the merits of everything from pancakes to prostitutes by the time he had decided that the ache in his leg was not going to go away without a rest and had chosen to head towards home. He had a beautifully carved bone rattle in his pocket for D, a small gem for Miri's collection and he was on the lookout for something for his empaths when Drekken came to a sudden halt.

The reason for his stop was a cool, even drawl from his right, "Well, well, look what the dragon dropped on us."

Drekken turned slowly to the owner of the voice, a smile on his face, but his emotions mixed. He laid eyes on a short, slender woman, blond with hard, bright blue eyes and a face younger than his own. Yet, all was not as it seemed, and Drekken's attention flicked to the small, angular dragon behind her. He stood on his hind legs, shorter forelimbs resting on her shoulders and sharp eyes regarding Drekken closely.

"The same goes for you," Drekken quipped back, noting the woman's travel cloak and stout boots. "Still preferring to walk, I see."

"Nature's way," the tanned face suddenly broke into a broad smile and arms were flung just as wide as the woman strode quickly over to Drekken.

"Hello, Leysel," Drekken greeted, not holding back the wariness in his tone, but taking his very old friend in his arms anyway and then kissing her soundly.

Hundreds of years of familiarity welled up inside Drekken and old passion held him in the embrace for a few moments, but, used to the reflection of time, he pulled back and took the hand that was offered to him.

"Well, well, you haven't lost any of your touch, General," Leysel leant in to him and whispered, her eyes no longer so cold.

"Neither have you," he returned the compliment. "Have you picked my pocket yet?"

Leysel laughed and held up his wallet, waggling it at him like a trophy.

"Have to keep my hand in," she winked and slipped the object back into his pocket.

"Come to think of it, wasn't there a warrant out for your arrest last time we parted?" Drekken checked, it was always best to note such things with Leysel.

"Statute of limitations is ten years, Darling," Leysel slapped him for that reminder. "We're upstanding citizens again now and Bayard is here to accept a post at the university."

Leysel walked back over to her dragon, who finally came out from the shadow in which he had been waiting.

"Hello, Bayard," Drekken inclined his head respectfully to the Sylka.

'Drekken', the dragon replied, equally formally.

"So you finally decided to take up that offer?" Drekken checked on the standing invitation that had been waiting for the scholar for many centuries.

"Oh stop it, you two. We both know if it hadn't been for me, Bayard would have taken it up years ago," Leysel quipped, rubbing the dragon's neck and giving Drekken a heavy look laden with that old passion. "We're here now, and we need somewhere to stay."

Drekken should have remembered that Leysel never did anything by accident and he saw opportunity in their 'chance' encounter. It should not have come as a surprise, but now he knew why Bayard was being so reticent: as far as Sylkas went, Bayard was typical, very private and did not like asking for anything. It was therefore more for Bayard's sake than Leysel's that Drekken did not ponder the prospect Leysel had left between them.

"You will have to apologise to mother for stealing her best jewellery," he reminded Leysel of the reason for the warrant.

"Oh, she doesn't hold a grudge," Leysel waved the moment away and Drekken was glad when he saw Bayard visibly relax.

Drekken was not at all surprised when he found an arm through his own and he started back on the path that had been interrupted. Bayard fell in next to them, staying close to Leysel.

"So, I've read all those newspaper reports of your wondrous exploits, but what have you really been up to in the last fifty years?" his friend dove into conversation like it had only been a few months since they had seen each other.

I'm interested in what you think :)

The Next Big Thing

James Calbraith tagged me last week for this, a meme where I have to answer ten questions about my current work in progress (WIP).

Well, my current WIP is actually based on a novella that I have already released for free, Bonds of Fire. I was going to write a second short to go with the novella, but a bigger plot grew around the novella plot instead and I wanted to expand on that.

1. What is the working title of your book?
Bonds of Fire (I like the original name - I may use it as a subtitle though in the end, so as not to confuse it with the novella)

2. Where did the idea come from for the book?
That goes all the way back to the novella. My sister, Tasha, and I run a publishing house called Wittegen Press, and we have an imprint of that called Penny Dreadfuls 21, which solicits requests from readers for stories they'd like to have written. Bonds of Fire was one such request: 'I'd like to see a setting that has both sci-fi elements (futuristic with cybernetics) and fantasy elements (magic and magically creatures). I have a thing for dragons, so would like to see them included somehow. Oh, and a baby dragon(s) would make me especially happy. ;)'

I picked up the request and ran with it.

3. What genre does your book fall under?
Fantasy with a side order of science fiction.

4. Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

Drekken: Jeremy Renner

Malachi: Tommy Knight

Yakov: Jamie Campbell Bower

Miri (dragon - voice only): Rachel Weisz

Margren (One of Drekken's adopted dragon mothers  - voice only): Dame Judi Dench

Orin (One of Drekken's adopted dragon mothers - voice only): Dame Maggie Smith

Wen (Drekken's adopted human mother): Gemma Arterton

Leysel: Elisabeth Harnois

Bayard (dragon - voice only): Colin Firth

Olias: Lawrence Fox

5. What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?
One baby dragon, two young empaths and a near death experience lead Drekken, a dragon warrior more used to fire-fights than friendship, into a new time in his life where his enemies are not nearly so obvious as those on a battlefield.

6. Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?
The book will be independently published through our own publishing company,  Wittegen Press. I gave up with the old fashioned route to the market when I realised that the most difficult aspect of publishing, the marketing of the book, is now mainly left up to the author.

7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?
The novella, which I suppose I can consider as a first draft, at least for act one, took about three weeks. I was about the same amount of time into the second story when I realised it was actually part of the same plot. I think there is probably another month on to go on the rest of the first draft (plot is in my head, just need to get it on paper).

8. What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
I'm not very good at comparisons and I haven't read a lot of fantasy lately, so I'm going to cheat and look at film as well. So I'd say that for the mix of fantasy/magic and technology, the nearest comparison would be Star Wars and that ilk, although planet rather than space based. For the dragons, if you like Flight of Dragons then you should like Bonds of Fire.

9. What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
There's magic, tech and action, running through an adventure on two levels: external conflicts coming from war, new enemies and old relationships, and Drekken's inner journey of self-discovery. Oh yes and dragons, cute little baby ones and sassy full-grown ones.  

10. Tag you’re it! 

• Sanna Caduri
• Natasha Duncan-Drake
• Brooke Johnson
• Tressa Green
• Paul Carroll

Rules:
***Answer the ten questions about your current WIP (Work In Progress)
***Tag five other writers/bloggers and add their links so we can hop over and meet them.

New Novel Planning: where do I start? (and it's not as simple as 'at the beginning')

Well, I finally battered my muse into submission and I've focused down on one project (mostly - okay, some of the time, since my brain is still bouncing off to other projects occasionally, but I'm trying to be disciplined). I'm going to start work on turning a novella I've had out for free for a long time, Bonds of Fire, into a full novel. I was just going to write a second short story, but as it began developing in my head, I realised I was creating something more intricately wound with the original story than a simple sequel and I also began to decide that I wanted to expand the original story anyway. It worked as a novella, but I think it can be more as a novel. I want to do the characters more justice, especially the dragons, who were supporting roles in the novella,

So, since I always begin at the beginning when I'm planning a novel, I'm considering the opening scene. The novella plot is definitely where the story begins, it's my Act I, so to speak, but I'm mulling over changing where the action begins.  The novella opens into the aftermath of a battle, Drekken, my central character has been wounded during the battle and separated from his dragon, Miri. Now, even as I say that, the possessive pronoun makes me cringe, because it sounds like Drekken owns Miri and without Miri there, it's quite difficult to explain that she thinks of him as 'her human', it's not possession, it's bonding. I think I did fairly well in introducing the world in the novella, but, being a novella, I can get away with less world building. So, I was considering opening the novel in the heat of battle, showing the team that Drekken and Miri make, plus the role he fulfils in his society. I think it will therefore mean more to the reader when Act I has them split up. It also won't hurt, I don't think, to throw the reader into the thick of it.

I am torn, though, because I like the beginning of the novella. It focuses the reader right in on Drekken from the get go, has him trapped in an uncertain situation, isolated and relying on his own wits alone, which is pretty much the tone of most of Act I. I can't help worrying that the battle scene would contrast too greatly with that and maybe diminish the reunion scene towards the end of that section, because the reader had already met Miri, who, in the novella, until that point, is only a memory for Drekken.

I think what I may do is write it both ways and post both and see what folks think. Sound like a good plan?

Too Many Shineys!

I'm stuck, writer's block, or whatever you want to call it. I had a great blog tour last week, I really enjoyed myself, but this week, I have summarily failed to write a thing! I have done some research for a possible new project involving fiction books aimed at 10-11 year olds encouraging verbal and non-verbal reasoning, mathematics and English, all the stuff they need for what's called the 11+ in the UK. But organising research is something I do incredibly well when I should be writing!

My problem is, there are too many ideas going round in my head at the moment. There's the new project I mentioned above, a short for submission to Geek Love, another even shorter work for Den of Eek, formatting and re-editing of the short stories I wrote for The Wittegen Press Giveaway Games into anthologies, the sequel to Sacrifice of An Angel with my sister Tasha and finally a novel based on my novella, Bonds of Fire. This always happens when I'm coming off one project and moving onto another one, I flit, I get restless and I don't know which project to settle on next.

I really ought to get on with the two submissions, because they have deadlines, but my butterfly mind is not settling on any flowers long enough for me to concentrate. Come on brain, pick one!

Sophie's Death In The Family Literary+ Blog Tour Final Day: Mad With It - The Highs and Lows of A Writing Imperative

Allisyn Bridges is hosting me for the final day of my Death In The Family Blog Tour. Thanks, Allisyn.

Mad With It - The Highs and Lows of A Writing Imperative

So, last day today and so I wanted to touch on the thing that underlies all my word creativity, the compulsion to write.

Death In The Family Literary+ Blog Tour Schedule:

• 27th August 2012: Is it the teeth? - vampires and why we like them. Host: Brooke Johnson
• 28th August 2012: Scare me, Shock me - paranormal fiction vs horror. Host: A. K. Flynn
• 29th August 2012: For Mature Eyes Only - when does romance become erotica? Host: JD Savage
• 30th August 2012: There were 3 in the bed... ménage, ewww or gimme gimme! Host: Tressa Green
• 31st August 2012: The Sidekick - plucky, loyal and just a tad annoying :) Host: Paul Carroll
• 1st September 2012: Feedback - Taking It - Giving It - Enjoying It. Host: Leonard Suskin
• 2nd September 2012: Mad With It - The Highs and Lows of A Writing Imperative Host: Allisyn Bridges

Death In The Family (Heritage is Deadly #1)

Leaving a good London school with solid prospects, Tom Franklin has the world at his feet. Yet one thing has always haunted his perfect life: his dreams. When Tom discovers that the nightmarish images of dark places and even darker instincts are in fact repressed memories from his early childhood, he must face the heritage from his birth-father, a savage vampire known only as Raxos.

Realising his memories are his only hope of controlling his awakening instincts, Tom returns to, Coombedown, the sleepy, Cornish village in which he was born, unknowing that the night-breed in his veins will lead him into danger.

Death In The Family is a young adult, paranormal novel.

Literary+ is a mar­ket­ing ini­tia­tive which was founded and led by Shen Hart. This is a time of evo­lu­tion and progress, the mar­ket is being opened up to e-books and self-publication. As a fel­low writer, Shen under­stands that self-publication is a hard and often lonely road. She started Lit­er­ary+ to bring together authors and related cre­ative spe­cial­ities with the goal of help­ing each other. With a tight knit, friendly and wel­com­ing com­mu­nity at its core, Lit­er­ary+ holds a strong focus on mar­ket­ing. As Lit­er­ary+ con­tin­ues to grow and evolve it will use inno­vat­ing, orig­i­nal and exper­i­men­tal mar­ket­ing meth­ods and schemes to get its member’s books into their reader’s hands.

Sophie's Death In The Family Literary+ Blog Tour Day 06: Feedback - Taking It - Giving It - Enjoying It

I'm hopping over to Leonard Suskin's blog today (thanks Leonard).

Feedback - Taking It - Giving It - Enjoying It

As a writer, I love feedback (most of the time anyway), but it comes in all shapes, sizes, guises and levels of usefulness. As a reader and editor, I also give feedback.

Death In The Family Literary+ Blog Tour Schedule:

• 27th August 2012: Is it the teeth? - vampires and why we like them. Host: Brooke Johnson
• 28th August 2012: Scare me, Shock me - paranormal fiction vs horror. Host: A. K. Flynn
• 29th August 2012: For Mature Eyes Only - when does romance become erotica? Host: JD Savage
• 30th August 2012: There were 3 in the bed... ménage, ewww or gimme gimme! Host: Tressa Green
• 31st August 2012: The Sidekick - plucky, loyal and just a tad annoying :) Host: Paul Carroll
• 1st September 2012: Feedback - Taking It - Giving It - Enjoying It. Host: Leonard Suskin
• 2nd September 2012: Mad With It - The Highs and Lows of A Writing Imperative Allisyn Bridges

Death In The Family (Heritage is Deadly #1)

Leaving a good London school with solid prospects, Tom Franklin has the world at his feet. Yet one thing has always haunted his perfect life: his dreams. When Tom discovers that the nightmarish images of dark places and even darker instincts are in fact repressed memories from his early childhood, he must face the heritage from his birth-father, a savage vampire known only as Raxos.

Realising his memories are his only hope of controlling his awakening instincts, Tom returns to, Coombedown, the sleepy, Cornish village in which he was born, unknowing that the night-breed in his veins will lead him into danger.

Death In The Family is a young adult, paranormal novel.

Literary+ is a mar­ket­ing ini­tia­tive which was founded and led by Shen Hart. This is a time of evo­lu­tion and progress, the mar­ket is being opened up to e-books and self-publication. As a fel­low writer, Shen under­stands that self-publication is a hard and often lonely road. She started Lit­er­ary+ to bring together authors and related cre­ative spe­cial­ities with the goal of help­ing each other. With a tight knit, friendly and wel­com­ing com­mu­nity at its core, Lit­er­ary+ holds a strong focus on mar­ket­ing. As Lit­er­ary+ con­tin­ues to grow and evolve it will use inno­vat­ing, orig­i­nal and exper­i­men­tal mar­ket­ing meth­ods and schemes to get its member’s books into their reader’s hands.